wow... over 2 months... haha. hi everybody!

almost 10 months for me and cait (jan 5th)

9 months for me and ev (x-mas eve). he took me out for dinner on the 23 (one month since aunt nan... see next paragraph) and then out to a movie. rant coming. we saw phantom of the opera. omg. omg. yeah... omg. it was amazing. thats all there is to it. it was soo amazing. almost as amazing as that one time by the steps when evan came by after skol, and mike and tara, and paul, and rich and umm i cant remember who else was there... but umm nvm... lol wow. the movie was awesome. I MUST SEE IT ON BROADWAY! anyways... onto a sorrowful note...

my aunt nan died nov 23. that fucking sucked. her funeral was that saturday. went with evan to his aunts house for thanksgiving. that was fun. i love u jess!!! i had to get away from my house on thanxgiving. i couldnt take it. emotionally or mentally. my aunt used to come over for thanxgiving every year, and if she wasnt going to be there this year i wouldnt have been able to take it. so i got to be with evan. and i still suck at pool. and i still manage to hop the ball when i dont want to.

x-mas sucked. it was soo boring.

ooo song time!

Tool- Pushit
I saw the gap again today,
While you were begging me to stay,
Take care not to make me enter,
If i do we both may disappear,
you know that I will choke until I swallow
Choke this infant here before me,
What is this but my reflection?
Who am I to judge or strike you down?
But, you're pushing and shoving me,
You still love me, you pushit on me.

Rest your trigger on my finger,
Bang my head upon the fault line,
You'd better take care not to make me enter,
'Cause if I do, we both may disappear,
But, you're pushing and shoving me,
You still love me, you pushit on me
You're pushing and, shoving me,

I'm slipping back into the gap again,
I'm alive when you're touching me,
Alive when you're shoving me down,
But I'd trade it all
For just a little
Piece of mind.
Pushit on me
You're pushing,
and shoving,
and scrambling,
keep my feet flat on the ground.

I am somewhere I don't wanna be,
Push me somewhere I don't wanna be.
Put me somewhere I don't wanna be,
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see,
Never wanna see that place again.

Saw the gap again today,
While you were begging me to stay,
Managed to push myself away,
And you, as well my dear.

If, when I say I might fade like a sigh if I stay,
You minimize my movement anyway,
I must persuade you another way.

Pushing and shoving, and pushing me
There's no love in fear.
I'm staring down the hole again.
Hands are on my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come.
REMEMBER I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU,
AS I CLAW YOUR FUCKING THROAT AWAY,
IT WILL END NO OTHER WAY.

hahahahahahaha great song... i love it!

heres my plans soo far...

monday- order upgrade for my cell fone... woo camera fone with text messaging... its a new feeling... lol

tuesday- mall with sarah (to get our collars! lol) and evan (just so i can see my baby!)

friday- see evan again... dammit i dont get to see u enough! ::tear:: but oh well... a job is a good thing to have... so im happy for u! i love u!!!!!!! ive never felt so strongly about someone for so long. i love you.

and thats it so far. ill try to update again soon. since its been past 2 months! haha.

yay its finally working. woah... whats with the friggen font? whatever, watch when i post it its gonna be the regular font. piece of shit. ok so anyways... umm... yeah im actually really happy for once, and have been for awhile now. 7 months for me and cait (oct 5), and 6 months for me and evan (sept 24). umm i got the dates right, right guys!? haha im soo bad with dates. yeah i didnt goto skol today cuz i didnt have a ride. the bus came early and i missed it. and rachel was 'too tired' to take me. and mom had just brought the baby into mel and chris's room... like i would want either of them taking me. mel is just the nicest person in the world in the morning. and chris is just chris. but yeah... i never thought i could be so happy and loved with one person. i really love evan. and i really miss cait. im sorry i didnt get to see u friday. we need to hang out sometime this week, cuz i wont be going to sacred this friday either. we really need to hang out soon. i really wanna see u.ive never been with a girl for so long. usually i end up breaking up with her or cheating on her, but ive done neither. im usually just looking for a hookup, but something about u... hee hee i love u!!! i dont no what it is about u, or evan, that just makes me soo happy and content. just something about the both of u, i dont no what it is, but i havent had my usual rambunctious urge to just be out there and be with people. no im happy just with u two. i dont have the feeling like i want to go out and ahve fun with people. no im happy just with u two. i dont no its hard to explain. but im just soo happy with u two. i havent had the want to randomly hook up with someone, either guy or girl, and im around a lot of people that want to get with me. but they know im taken on both sides and that i wont kiss or do anything with anyone but u two. and paul protects me from anyone that seriously tries anything, and frankly no one really has yet. attempted attempts... but all fails... thanx paul! lol. okie well im done with that now... lol. i love u guys! im hungry i want food. ill update another random time later! tootles buh bi!